It’s that time of the week where most of us are staring down the barrel of a working week. Until my most recent bout of anxiety I generally didn’t dread work too much, no more than the average person but lately I find myself feeling winded just thinking about going in. I think it’s because I get into a cycle of “what if” catastrophic thoughts that make it feel like it will be insurmountable.
So to give you an example – right now I find myself thinking:
What if I feel panicky and can’t concentrate and then it impacts on my work? That then leads onto… what if my boss thinks I’m incompetent and bad at my job? Which in turn leads to what if I need to take time off because I’m panicking and that shows up on future employment references?
Before I know it I’ve convinced myself that no one will ever want to employ me and that I’ll be living on the streets in no time. By the time I’ve thought all of that (which can take merely a matter of seconds and can happen without me even really noticing that I’m doing it) I’m feeling sweaty palmed and shaky at the idea of going in.
Of course there are some truths about the difficulty of working lives combined with anxiety or any mental health problems for that matter (and I think I’ll probably touch on that later on in the blog as it’s something I feel quite passionate about) but I have also realised that I need to challenge some of this negative thinking and catch it in it’s tracks.
So tonight before I go to sleep and before I do my meditation I’m going to have a think about putting some positive thoughts down on paper to counteract my negative ones. Perhaps I will share them with the blog when I’ve developed them a little.
I’ve also realised through a lot of reading and research that acceptance seems to be a big key to defeating the feelings. So feel free to join me in saying or writing down – I am aware that I feel anxious and this is OK.
Good night, may your sleep be full of peace and your dreams full of happiness.