I have been struggling with some big life decisions in the last week or so which inevitably I have found very anxiety provoking. I am lucky to have lovely friends and family who wish to help but I have noticed a number of well intentioned cliches that get trotted out in these times and I also noticed how untrue they are when it comes to anxiety and OCD. Here are a few of the ones I’ve noticed. Can you add any more?
- What’s your gut telling you? – Honestly. My gut is telling me that I want to throw up and that I can’t sit still. Why what’s your gut telling you? This one just baffles me. I get the sentiment behind it- that we should go with our instinct and not get confused by the myriad of thoughts that are telling us what we “should” do. When you suffer with anxiety however your gut is just a swirling mass of wriggly worms. If I lived by my gut I wouldn’t get very much done because all it tells me is “You’re doomed. The world is doomed. Now vomit”. The sensation is so strong that it overrides any sensical message that may be trying to get through.
- You’ll know when it’s right – Now this one is just SO untrue especially when it comes to OCD. You do know OCD is known as the doubting disease right? We never know when anything is right. That’s the whole problem. If I did I wouldn’t have spent the last 14 years obsessing about a vast array of worries including whether I could be a paeodphile. Nothing is “right” with OCD. This statement can also be especially untrue when it comes to relationships if Relationship OCD (ROCD) is present. I’ve heard so many people say to others when talking about their loved ones “I just knew” or “you just know” but in ROCD that just doesn’t happen. Sometimes even when it’s right, OCD will be telling you that it’s wrong. OCD likes to mess like that.
- Everything works out OK in the end –I’m not saying this is completely untrue, in fact I think when you have a sense of perspective it is possible to see that most things (unless it kills us) aren’t the end of the world. Rational human beings can see that if they make a wrong decision, life won’t end but for someone with anxiety it just doesn’t feel like that. Instead, it feels like life will be miserable forever, you’ll never be happy and you’ll spend the rest of your days in a permanent state of regret. Try making a decision when your brain is telling you that.
- Write a list of pros and cons – Again, so well intentioned but try reading a pros and cons list written by someone with anxiety. For every pro there will be a con because that’s kind of how our brains are wired. Every time your brain comes up with a nice positive, the sneaking voice of anxiety whispers a negative in your ear. I have never written a pros and cons list that has provided an illuminating answer (except that I’m a neurotic worrier that is paralysed with indecision – and I already knew that anyway!).
I’d be interested if anyone has experienced any others. If you post in the comments box I’ll publish them.
Emily x
Dreams to be anxiety free 
What a great post that gives those of us without OCD an inkling of what you are dealing with. The whole “trusting instincts” is a big issue, I know, and I’ve written about it also: https://ocdtalk.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/ocd-and-instincts/.
Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you all the best!
Thank you Janet! Your post is spot on, we spend so long in treatment “accepting” whatever is that it can become hard to know when not to accept! Emily x
Anxiety is hard but sometimes with others help you can overcome it… great post
“You’ll make the right decision” is one that comes to mind…on another note, another unhelpful question I’ve been asked when revealing that I struggle with anxiety/depression is, “What do you have to be worried/depressed about???”
Hi, just a suggesting for getting better with OCD/Anxiety, what is helping me is finding out ways to realize that I don’t have to be so especially cautious and concerned about everything that could possibly harm me or especially others. I don’t have to put the world on my shoulders. For example, I’ve dealt with contamination issues and its subsequent avoidance, but realizing how much bacteria are out there and that most are not only not harmful but helpful has really helped me. I also see that the world, particularly in poorer countries, is full of different hygienic standards and practices, so the chance that I’m the one causing some old lady to get seriously sick or ill with my germs is pretty remote unless I directly spread some of my germs to her when I’m particularly dirty. However, when all someone hears in the news is how dangerous germs can be and that they can be in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times, and cross contamination is a real problem as it is in hospitals, it only destabilizes my psychological well being. For me, learning the facts has really helped me. Though, I realize everyone’s issues are different. So, it just seems to me that a lot of Anxiety disorders stem from trying too hard to be too good so that we don’t harm ourselves and others. Finding ways to really let go of that and know and see that we are safe while being fully functional seems to be the ultimate in healing. Like the Buddhist practice of non-attachment when trying to eliminate suffering, but with perhaps more knowledge,understanding, and practice. Thanks.
Oh, I wish there was a way I could contact you directly because there was a question I had about my post while it’s awaiting moderation. I don’t see any way to do this. Feel free to notify me via e-mail if you think appropriate. Thanks.
Hi Damien, my apologies I’ve only just seen this. I’ve just published your post now.
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